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Red Dwarf/Rocky Horror Cross-Over by Bill Brennan, May 2001
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This story is the work of Bill Brennan and is not intended to infringe any copyright. It is done with the love of a fan for his favourite shows. All characters don't exist yet, so you can't sue him either!

Part One, uploaded 27th May, 2001

DAVE LISTER.................EDDIE
THE CAT........................FRANK N FURTER

Eddie opened his eyes and shivered. He was sleeping in an old deep freeze, abandoned behind a restaurant at the spaceport. He sat up, hit his head, and crawled out of the freezer. It was time to go to work.

Eddie was on Mimas, a small moon many millions of miles from Earth, which is where he desperately wanted to be. He thought about Earth, and the events that led him to being where he was, which was head deep in smeg...

It started on his 25th birthday. He got off his job as a delivery boy, and he and a few of his mates went to see the big football game - it was London against Denton, and Denton didn't have a chance! The London Jets' best player, Jim "Bexley" Speed, was just untouchable. To celebrate the victory, Eddie and the boys started to hit the pubs, and everything sort of went all fuzzy...when he woke up he was flat on his back behind this restaurant, on Mimas, millions of miles from Earth. He had no money, no identification, no nothing except the clothes he wore and a beer stained issue of some magazine called "Time Warp" in his pocket.

Eddie needed money to get a ticket back home, and he didn't have any. He started to steal taxicabs to pick up fares, and put money away each night. But he had to eat, and he found that he was getting drunk every night to forget his misery, and he never seemed to be able to save up enough money for the ticket home.

He went outside, found a cab, and hot wired the ignition.

"Hot Patootie," he said to himself as the car started, and he drove off. The cab was small, and the chains from his "Baby" vest squished against his back. He was a big man, after all...and that's when he saw his first fare. The man was dark-haired, and he could see that he was a tense smeg-head just by the way he stood there and waved his hand to hail him. Eddie stopped, and the man got in. He wore an officer's uniform, with the tag "Second Technician BR MAJORS on the chest.

"Corner of Whitechapel and Silver," said the man. Eddie smirked - that was the red light district, where all the prostitution houses were.

"Looking for a woman?" he said with a smile.

"Certainly not. I'm headed to Dr. Scott's Refresher Course, if you must know!" said the man.

"Oh. What's BR?"

"What? Oh. Brad Rimmer. My name. Now, if you please," said Brad tensely.

"What's it like, being an officer?" asked Eddie. He knew the man didn't want conversation, but the longer he talked the longer the man would be distracted and not notice that Eddie was taking the long way around, thus making the fare higher.

"It's only for gentlemen," said Brad, giving every impression that a gentleman was exactly what Eddie wasn't. " When I get back to Earth I will arrive as a senior commander of my ship..."

"Earth?" asked Eddie. "Did you say Earth?"

"Yes, that's my final destination, Earth. Why do you ask?" asked Brad.

"What's the name of your ship, mate?" asked Eddie quickly, as a plan began to form in his mind.

"The Red Dwarf," said Brad.

"And its final destination is Earth, you said?"

"Yes, but-" Brad was cut off.

"Here we are, corner of Whitechapel and Silver, have a good time," said Eddie, rushing Brad out of the car. Brad was met at the door by a woman dressed in black leather boots, mini dress and fishnet stockings, a whip in one hand and a pair of testicle handcuffs in the other. "Hey, who's the bird?" yelled Eddie as he started to drive away.

"I'm Dr. Scott, and this is my School of Domination. Care for a Refresher Course as well?" she asked in a deep voice, and Eddie was gone.

He dumped the cab, and the very next day he showed up at the Spaceport docks. He went directly to the dock where the "Red Dwarf" was assigned. He was going to sign up on the Red Dwarf, he was going to get off Mimas, and he was finally going to get home!

end of part one............

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