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Mystic Magenta - Well secluded, she sees sod all

CancerCANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Some people call you the space cowboy,
Some call you the gangster of love.
Some people call you Maurice,
They're probably right.

LeoLEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
You moon is in Saturn this week, go and get it back you may need it later. A tall dark man will step out from the shadows of your life, try not to jump too high when it happens.

VirgoVIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
Virgo, the Virgin. This is a very, very, very, very, very, very old Horrorscope.
You lucky number is expired.

LibraLIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23)
Libra, the Scales Have you tried a cream for that? I bet you cannot stop gambling, but what are the odds on that.

ScorpioSCORPIO (Oct 24 - Nov 21)
The Scorpian, or was that just a character from a movie? Either way, this week will seem like seven days to you. Try something new, or better still, something nude.

SagittariusSAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
It has long been said that if a tree falls in a forest and there is no-one around to hear it, who cares. The same could be said about something else, but I am not going to.

CapricornCAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Your lucky colour is salmon, as is your lucky fish for this month. Why not go out for a while, unless you are the runway lights at Heathrow, in which case going out is the last thing you want to do tonight.

AquariusAQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Aquarius, the water carrier. Stop it! We are quite capable of carrying our own water. Nowadays there are even bottles of it available in the shops. Some say bottled water is not good for you, that is why I always tip mine down the loo to cut out the middle man.

PiscesPISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20)
Are you pisces? Then you've had too much to drink again. Yours is the one star sign that does not believe in astrology or indeed astromony. That moon is an optical illusion. Well that is at least what you told the nice police officer in your defence.

AriesARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
You to me are everything, the sweetest song that I can sing. Which as I am tone deaf is not the best compliment I could have offered. The month ahead will change week by week until it becomes last month, at which stage you will have another one to look back on at least.

TaurusTAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
You will live at least another thirty years. Please do bear in mind I made that prediciton back in 1984. White is the new Black, which has really screwed up the Zebras.

GeminiGEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
Someone that you, or someone else, may, or may not know, will, or won't, notice that this sentance contains far too many commas, or does it? You lucky symbol is an Š.

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